Skeptic Project

Well, today I was questioning my existence, and well I questioned. Why? Why am I supporting the Venus Project? I knew that I wanted to help people, but there wasn't really a starting point. Like nothing to back it up, I want to help. But, well, I could care less now.

I'm really just losing my touch on reality. Should people be saved? Are they worth being saved, being told? Warned? If they are warned no one listens! They just dismiss it and move on with their lives. I am just really... fuck, this movement would be beneficial to everyone on this planet. but the fact that to have it implemented we have to change the mentalities of everyone on the planet?! That's a huge job! "Awareness, awareness, awareness." That's what we preach, but... why? I could care less about these people, I have lost my touch with everyone else.

My mentality is borderline pessimistic, because I am starting not to care. "It's everyman for himself!" That's what it's turning into, I haven't been influenced, I've just questioned and started thinking. Sure the people close to me, I've told friends, family. I'm good! They are warned, why the hell should I help anyone else? Selfishness? Perhaps.

I've lost my touch on the oneness, I've been thinking about racism as well. Fact there are people that look different, no matter what people say. We all have the same internal systems. Yeah, if I stuffed this doll full of blood and organs would it be the same? We are different. I don't know.

Just, I'm losing touch on everyone being the same. Yeah, where all born on the same world, but in the beginning we all where in different clans, groups, tribes. So, why unite them? Cause we have the technology? We as a movement are now different than everyone else, and trying to influence everyone. I'm borderline...

I want to help the movement, but I'm just being a fool. I don't think I'm ready to start helping. I need to get out and experience the world. Then come back once I've had those experiences. I am far from ready. I've taken off too much as I can chew, I'm those people that have a idea and overtime it boils away...

Perhaps just more meditation, isolation, thinking, questioning, just more learning, experiences. I can't base all of my knowledge on VIDEOS! Videos I see on the internet, I need to go out and experience this shit. I need to become master of my soul.

So as of now, I guess I'm half pessimist/ half humanist. I don't know what humanist is, but I think that's a label I can put on this movement.

I just want to tell you guy's, I sit here all day, on the internet looking at videos on Youtube. Well, this isn't life, sure the internet is great but this isn't the way... I need to get out, get healthy and live. Warn people along the way, point them in the right direction. But I'm far from giving any real help to this movement. It needs to be more than just seeing the corruption of money, more than a solution to society. I need to look within myself see who I am, see what I want to be, I sit here all day... looking in the mirror this isn't the way. I'm going to take time to meditate on this.

I don't give a shit if you guy's post, I need to get this out. I'm a hypocrite, telling Ephanizer that we are all one, when I don't see the 'one'. I'm a hypocrite, that's how I see it. I see the corruption, but I really need to get out there. No one is going to hold my hand and show me the way, in the end the internet is the internet, sure they can teach you and show. But it's up to me to go out and experience it. Thank you Franklee, but it's just too much. I've personally taken off too much to chew, I want to help, but I need to help myself first. You can call it Selfishness, but you can also say wanting anything is selfish. Water, food. If I don't find myself, this venus project, will not be sincere, it's just a 'hobby' to me. I need to find out myself, might take a lifetime. I'm willing to take that chance. No doubt I'll meet people along the way, and I'll help them in anyway I can. But until I can help me, I don't think I can help anyone else.

It's just me thinking, I don't know why the hell I posted this. What are you guy's going to do?... what can you possibly do to help that I haven't answered myself it's pointless. I have no clue why I've posted it, it's just a waste of space.

I need a journal.

http://www.thezeitgeistmovement.com/joomla/index.php?option=com_kunena&Itemid=99999&func=view&catid=230&id=279032#279032

I'm glad I channeled all my teenage angst into being an IRC warrior and ruining people's fun. I'd hate to think that my self indulgent teen rants would available on the web for eternity.

Future Republican right there.

I am reminded of the following lyrics

"mamaaaaaaa oooooooooooooooo I dont wanna die, I sometimes wish Id never been born at aaaall, carry on carry on, it doesnt really matter..."